Say what you mean. When we are seeking healing in a relationship, it is crucial for us to speak the “truth in love.” Avoiding or minimizing what we are feeling may buy peace in the short term, but will block healing in the long run. It is vitally important for both parties to speak their truth, to say what it is they need to say to each other.
Mean what you say. It is essential to be consistent in our words and our actions when we speak to one another. If we say we are going to commit to healing a relationship, then we need to be sure our actions align with that commitment. Reestablishing trust in a relationship requires that our words and actions align.
Don’t say it mean. When we have been hurt and are feeling vulnerable and defensive, we are more likely to speak in a way that is mean, intended to hurt the other. This will sabotage any attempt we make to forgive and heal. The paradox is that sometimes we think that “saying it mean” will increase our chances of really being heard, when in reality it will have the opposite effect.